The Last Smile: A Father\'s Love Story by Jeevan Zutshi

(Looking back at the untimely death of a promising young man by his father-)

On my first day in America I awoke and looked out the window to see colorful flags. At first I thought the flags indicated some kind of a carnival was taking place. It was the flags waving over the Honda dealership. I am not certain of this, but I believe I must have pinched myself to confirm I was finally here. After showering, I went with my sister to her bank in Oakland to deposit the money she had sent me a couple of months earlier.

The night before, I had proudly returned the actual $1000 cashiers check to Girja. Although she was surprised to be sure, she was very upset at the same time when she heard about all the difficulties I had encountered in raising money for the ticket and the other expenses of my journey.

In showing so much care and concern for my welfare without being the least concerned about receiving the money I owed her, she remainedt rue to the sister I had always known her to be-giving, affectionate, and very sincere. After we visited the bank, she drove me around Berkeley to show me the universtiy and other parts of town. After a couple of days of rest, I was ready to look for work. I took the AC Transit bus into San Francisco with a list of employers that I had copied from the Yellow Pages.

Having no Internet back then made looking for work an even more arduous process than it is today. I had called some employers, but the response had been so lukewarm, I decided to go in person. Armed with a map of San Francisco and my list of employers, I literally started knocking on doors. They were courteous, but they did not seem interested in what I could offer. One employer even mockingly asked me, \'Do you have sanitary-fitted homes in India? How could you be a sanitary engineer\'?

I elected to not answer his question, but I will admit that his ignorance about India kind of hurt me. However, later on I realized that ignorance of India was not exceptional. Americans did not really know much about India as they do now. Remember, this was the end of 1972, and the Beatles only recently had taken their well-knownt rip to India where they sat at the feet of their guru, and collaborated on some great Indian inspired albums with Indian musicians, such as Ravi Shankar.

He was a leading Indian sitar virtuoso. George Harrison in particular helped make Ravi Shankar an international star. Ravi Shankar also collaborated with Stayajit Ray, whose films about India have also become quite The Last Smile 42 Chapter Five - New Beginnings 43 popular in the United States. The younger generation began to taket rips to India to learn more about meditation and yoga. By the day\'s end I had learned how to be polite and to thank everyone for his or her time.

Although, I was not surprised to receive rejection after my first day of looking for work, by the time the daily rejection had continued for more than a couple of weeks, I was beginning to feel depressed. I have learned that no matter how much enthusiasm and perseverance you might think you possess, after awhile, rejection just gets to you, no matter what kind of face you put on for others to see.

I remember clearly that it was Thursday, October 12, when I began to feelt ruly disheartened about my prospects. I will never forget the feeling I had around lunchtime on that day. I was sitting on a park bench feeling utterly overwhelmed. I felt as though the world were closing in around me and that events were simply out of my cotnrol. This was unusual for me, as I had always maintained the spirit of not giving up until this moment.

As time slowly passed on that bench, my mind drifted to the day my dormitory was set afire by terrorists at the engineering college in Srinagar. That memory came as a blessing and I rose up from that bench energized with the belief that if I could recover from that experience, I would certainly succeed now. I began to knock on more doors and now I was angry.

I was bound and determined I was going to find a job. There are times when you seem to be making your own destiny and this moment was clearly one of them for me. While walking to the next prospect, I ran into a young man who was having lunch. He was also from India and we began to talk. He mentioned that a big civil engineering firm had an Indian chairman, who was very well known. He told me that it could be very difficult to get a job there, but it could not hurt tot ry.

After our meeting I decided to find the chairman. As I got closer, I became more adamant that I was not going to leave there until I met him. Upon arriving, a receptionist, whose job it was to vigilantly guard his schedule, greeted me. I gave her my request, telling her that I wanted to see him. She politely asked if I had an appointment and I told her that I did not. She said it would take weeks, if not months, for anyone to get in to see him, even if he wanted to see that person. This did not deter me.

I was determined to see him that day at that moment. Looking back, I remember how very uncomfortable I had made her feel. In today\'s world, I am sure she would have called the police and had me arrested. Fortunately, this was 1972. She politely asked me to leave, but my resolve was as solid as a concrete dam. I was going nowhere. As I sat down to wait, I was thinking I would give this man a piece of my mind. I would ask him why Indians were the least helpful to other Indians when they came here to seek work. After what seemed like forever, the receptionist called someone and spoke to him in a very low voice. It was obvious that she was talking about me. She was complaining to him because she clearly did not know what to do with me.

(When we later became good friends, she and I would laugh about this day.) Another half-an-hour had passed, a well-dressed, bespectacled, middle-aged, balding man approached me with a smile on his face. He itnroduced himself as the chairman and asked me to follow him to his office. While I had not been nervous while waiting, my nerves were jangling now. I was wondering what I had done.

I followed him down a long hallway which led to a huge space filled with cubicles. His office was an impressively large room overlooking the bay. He offered me a seat in front of his desk. He began to talk about India and his experiences there. He told me how he had returned to India after graduating from Berkeley twetny years earlier in order to use his expertise in making India a better place. He was very dismayed at the unethical practices in India and its lack of sensitivtiy to lower-paid employees, so he had come back to America to build his professional life here instead. I gave a brief overview of my life and how I had come to arrive here.

I shared the experience I had had with my boss, an executive engineer in the Jammu and Kashmir government. He hadt rained me how to \'work thes ystem,\' because corruption was rampant. The chairman and I had had similar experiences and similar reactions to them. Little did I know that he was interviewing me during this entire conversation. After we had talked for about an hour, he stunned me by asking, \'When can you start?\' This was indeed a very surprising question.

Although my heart was leaping for joy, I calmly answered that I could start the next day. He said that would be fine and cautioned me that the next morning would be Friday the 13th. That meant nothing to me and I told him so. I have since learned that it is supposed to be a day of ill omen, but it will remain for me a very lucky day. He called his personnel on the phone to make sure they would be prepared for me to begin work the next day and we said our goodbyes.

Neither of us knew at the time that he had offered me an important opportuntiy and I would become one of his mostt rusted employees. I don\'t really recall the ride to Girja\'s house because I was so elated. When I told her I had found a job, she was very excited for me too. I told her my starting The Last Smile 44 Chapter Five - New Beginnings 45 pay was $950 a month and she said that many U.S. graduate engineers did not start at that pay rate. At the time, gasoline was under 40 cents a gallon. You could have a great breakfast at any local coffee shop for less than a dollar. For around $150.00 a month, you could rent a very nice apartment with a view.

A good, dependable used car could be purchased for a little more than $700.00. Homes in the greater SF Bay Area were in the $20,000 range. Nine-hundred fitfy dollars a month allowed me to comfortably live and save. Of course, I immediately went to find an apartment of my own and rapidly did so. I was there only two weeks when Girja persuaded me to move back in with her, so that I could save my money and move when Usha joined me. It was very considerate of her, because I realize how much it really helped take care of my family.

I found life in my sister\'s apartment very stimulating and academic. The research students would gather there, mostly talking about politics and religion; there was always someone who did not like America and someone who did not like capitalism. Some believed in God, while others weret rying to prove that God did not even exist. But on weekend mornings, the music from back home would wake me, and I would become very nostalgic. Some of the songs were the one\'s my father used to sing during my childhood and I felt the pain of separation from my family.

America felt so far away from my home. Thank God my sister and her adorable two-year-old daughter were there to distract me from prolonged homesickness. Of course, I missed Usha very much, but letters back and forth kept us together. I started making friends.

There were very few Indians in California then as compared to now. Beginning in the 1970\'s, at rickle of engineers, along with physicians and healthcare workers, made their way to the West and set about making their mark in their respective fieldsâ€“medical and engineering. The shortage of qualified workers in the U.S. meant that these professionals thrived in their fields. Thet rend continued through the 1980s, with an increasing number of Indian students pursuing advanced studies in many sciences and technologies in the U.S. Meanwhile, America was gradually recovering from the tumultuous Sixties and the violent clashes over the Vietnam War.

President Nixon was about to win re-election in a landslide, despite the disastrous ending of the war. Although five burglars had been arrested while attempting to plant microphones in the Democratic National Committee offices, the Watergate scandal would not surface until April 30, 1973, when two of Nixon\'s top aides would resign. Protests in Berkeley were slowly winding down, but had not yet completely abated. It will come as no surprise that Nixon was despised where I lived as the economy was in the doldrums. I worked steadily for that company for a couple of years. In April of 1973, I was able to bring Usha over from India. My life in America seemed to be really coming together.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

New Beginnings (The Last Smile: A Father\'s Love Story by Jeevan Zutshi-5)