ADAM'S SONS(English Novel- Chapter- 4) by Krishna

It was a vocation she rarely engaged into, after Larry came to her Life. Till then, it was her daily routine.  But now-a-days, it was less salty - and sometimes even sweet - when compared to those days.

But to-day gloominess was sticking to her thoughts like sour butter on fresh bread.  The reason was another gloomy day about two weeks before.

She was coming from the factory.  It was late evening and darkness was falling down from the sky like tiny, weightless particles, blocking the vision.  But she was not bothered of it, since, as usual, she walked looking below. Stray thoughts were wandering through her mind like fireflies.

Then she realized that the darkness in front of her had suddenly become much deeper than the surroundings.  She lifted her face and saw that the darkness has a human shape.

A man in black clothes was standing in front of her.

And he was smiling.

“I was afraid that you will collide with me.” He said.  â€œAre you getting prepared for some competition?”

“Competition? Me?”

“To run with eyes closed?”

Now she understood. He was joking.  Being deep in thoughts, she did not see him coming.

“Oh.  I am sorry.” she said.

“It is all right.  I just joked.” Moving aside, he said, “Now you continue with your running lessons.”

She moved ahead, thinking about the incident.  And after some distance, something forced her to turn her head and there he was, still standing and looking in her direction.

She had never seen him earlier and never saw him afterwards, but his smiling joke remained arrested in a shiny corner of her mind.  Every day, when she reached that site, she remembered it and smiled.

And today, at home, she was thinking of it and about him.

His words seemed to be livelier than the person himself. In fact she had not seen his face properly. There was only an impression of a human-shaped statue with a smile stuck on a pair of lips.

A competition with eyes closed! It was nice. If I had collided on him? Is he old or young? I hit on him and fall upon him!

Fall upon him!

She had of course, thought of such fallings in the past, but such matters stayed in her mind for very short periods.  But now it was not the case.

A clear, lasting vision!

Two statues lying down, faces not visible.  One hiding the other.

But she knew the faces.

One of them had a smile stuck to its lips.

And the other was only an image, the original of which she would never see.

Will I see him again?

She was almost sure that it will never happen.  Yet a desire prevailed.

To see him once again.

It remained within her.  Something happening for the first time.

Desiring a second meeting with an absolute stranger.

And it never happened.

Slowly, the desire transformed into a longing.

To be with someone.

To be with someone, who loved her?

And is there anyone who loved her?

Yes.

There was her Larry.

Larry child, Larry boy.

The child whom she lifted from the gutter.

The boy whom she brought up as her son.  As her own son.

But not her real son.

She had no doubt that Larry loved her.

How?

As his mom?

May be. Yet?

Can I have a baby of my own?

At this age?

An age suited for a grandmother.

She smiled to herself.

If I get a son now, I shall call him my grandson.

The thought made her smile.

Yet the pain remained within her.

Like a seed waiting for a drop of rain to sprout.

She remained deep in thoughts throughout the evening that she did not know when Larry came.

It was his last year in that school. They had discussed about his future and he was adamant upon his decision.

No more 'schooling, colleging' busy-ness.

He wanted to do work, earn something.

He did not want to be a parasite anymore.

A parasite? She looked into his eyes, as if to pull out the thread of his thoughts.

Yes. After all, how far it is possible?

You working and I not working and simply eating and sleeping?

He did not waver at all under her gaze.  It happened the other way.

She had to retreat.

He is no more a child.  He has his own opinion.  And I will have to surrender to his wishes.

He had become a man.

And she still remained the poor, obedient woman.

Timid as a rabbit.

And today she realized his presence in the house by shear intuition.  He was sitting and reading silently at a place from where he was not visible to her.

Yet, her thoughts were disrupted by his presence in the house. She sensed it. Like a honey-bee sensing the blossoming of a sweet flower somewhere near-by.

How?

She herself could not understand.

She wanted to call him, see him.

But something prevented her.

A hesitation.

A sort of fear?

Why? Why should she feel this fear?

A mom, afraid of speaking to her son, seeing him.

But then, he was not her son.

Now she knew that the fact was ever present at the bottom of her mind.

Like a beetle hiding in the trunk of a tree.

To eat it from within.

To come out in the open at the appropriate time.

To snatch away vigour and consciousness? 

She was afraid.

Both of them were almost silent throughout that evening.  They ate silently as if both had silently agreed to observe a vow of silence.

And the unspoken words shifted their meaning like glass pieces in a kaleidoscope, creating various images in their minds.

And when she slept at last, the 'collusion man of the street' visited her as the hero of her dream.  He still smiled, but had a visible face.

And it was a face she saw everyday for the last ten years or so.

At her own home.

And the Cathy of the dream, although invisible, was not afraid.

After all, strangled desires have a tendency to re-present as dreams.

And dreams are jokers too.  They interchange faces and relations, death and resurrection.

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