The Last Smile: A Father’s Love Story by Jeevan Zutshi (1)

(Looking back at the untimely death of a promising young man by his father-1)

Forewordby Maharaj Kaul

When a young human life perishes, no matter what the cause, the whole glory of human life seems to crumble down precipitously and we die with it for some time. The grandeur of human life is supported by the marvel that nature makes of us, as well as by the imagination that human mind imparts on it. Every human life is a scintillating possibility, a grand promise, unwritten as yet. Amit Zutshi’s life and death are the stuff of human drama, philosophy, and religion.

Jeevan Zutshi, the father of Amit, and author of the Last Smile, has written the book as a cathartic experience, to lighten his and his family’s infinite pain over Amit’s loss. This is the story of the inspiration and perspiration of a family to build a better life for itself. It is the story of the family’s severe loss and heroic ability to overcome it. Jeevan writes as a highly tormented parent wanting to know whether there were things he could have done differently that would have saved Amit’s life.

He delineates the book with scientific objectivity to probe the causes of Amit’s demise, but without anger at the culture and the institutions which might have contributed to it. The book may help other parents avert the tragedy that befell the Zutshis. The title of the book, the Last Smile, comes from the last smile Amit had on his face just moments after he dissolved into eternity. It is that smile which sustains Jeevan now and he hopes it will last for his lifetime.

It is also that which he wants to spread on to others now through this book and other works he has embarked on. Jeevan came to United States in 1972 to realize a dream for his family and himself. Most human dreams are alike: to pursue one’s ambitions, to love and be loved, to live peacefully, to be materially comfortable, and to be able to help the disadvantaged. America is the hottest crucible of human dreams. It has freedom to live how one wishes to and vast resources to support that. Immigrants often come loaded with a dream, but they have to work harder than the natives and often at lower wages. They work within glass ceilings and through layers of the host country’s prejudices. Also, there is a struggle of adjustment to the new culture.

Immense effort to meld with America is, in the end, uplifting, but not without excruciating heartbreaks. he Last Smile xii Foreword xiii Jeevan and his wife went through the full spectrum of the immigrants’ duel with destiny. Being an ambitious, hardworking, and an intelligent person, Jeevan created a good professional career, economic security, and raised two kids. Coming from the throes of his motherland Kashmir’s tragedy, his realizing the American dream was the culmination of an arduous marathon run. The tragedy of Amit’s loss was the more devastating because it came not too long after all the sacrifices the Zutshis’ made to build a happy life for their family. Sometimes we wonder how God’s mind works.

Amit passed away in 2008, at the age of 30. The cause of his death was given by the hospital to be cardiomyopathy, which is in simple words a heart failure. It is surmised that his long use of health nutritional supplements robbed his heart muscle of the necessary amounts of sodium. His father twice intervened.

Once when he observed Amit’s enfeebled physical state, he got him checked by a physician and also a psychologist. Neither professional saw any sign of significant health problems. In general, they saw Amit on the right road. Further inquiries by Jeevan to the medical personnel were thwarted on the grounds of Amit’s privacy. Frustrated and agonized, he, his wife, and their second son waited in silent agony till the curtain unexpectedly fell on their beloved Amit. Nutritional supplements are an unregulated health support industry. Their claims are unsubstantiated and their products’ use is not much known by the medical doctors. Many people have lost their lives using these products.

They appeal to people who have little confidence in the organized medical world by virtue of their ignorance or fantasies. Why does the U.S. Government allow them to run unregulated? Jeevan raises this very significant question facing Americans at this time and tries to answer it. Amit was a very thoughtful and down to earth person. He was adept in achieving scholastic goals and earned the trust and admiration of his schoolmates, friends, and relatives.

He was clear-eyed, stable, highly ambitious, and confident. But he lived in the modern industrial culture, which pushes us toward loneliness. Caught in the centrifugal forces of loneliness, one weaves dreams of valor, victory, and perfection. The young people of today look for the perfection of mind and the perfection of body. Narcissistic culture reigns supreme. Physical fitness has become an obsession with many a youth, a modern nirvana worth sacrificing conventional securities of life for. Nutritional supplements are heavily advertised as the elixirs for the perfect body.

Amit fell prey to this fantasy, even with his balanced disposition. In spite of his father’s and brother’s reservations about his supplement intake he firmly stood his ground. His very goal-oriented approach to life and ambitious persistence, which had brought him success in other endeavors, took him to his ultimate ruin. Here was a tragedy of mythic proportions. A gifted man designed for success failed tragically as he sought success in a good goal, but with the wrong means. But let us not think Amit’s life and death were in vain. In his short stay on earth, he conducted himself with dignity and tenacity and gave his care, friendship, and love to most of the people he came in contact with. In a brief time he lit a flame that shone high, broad, and bright.

One failure in his life, however big it was, cannot rob it of his brilliant spirit. He will remain alive in Zutshi clan, he will reverberate in his friends’ hearts, he will remain an incandescent idea in the minds of the people who came to know him after his exit. From Amit’s ashes Jeevan and his family have resurrected a glow and a reverence for life mightier than his death, showing all of us who know them that here on earth God can make some things immortal.

Maharaj Kaul,  Suffern, New York 7.16.09

 Introduction, Jeevan Zutshi

Usha and myself will never forget the joy and awe we felt the moment we first looked into the eyes of our newborn son, Amit. As I held him in my arms, the love I felt for him was overpowering. A very cute, healthy, and boisterous baby won the heart of every nurse and physician in Cedars Sinai hospital in Hollywood, California. His future was going to be bright; I was determined to make sure that everything I did would ensure him the opportunities and great success that America offered. That was 30 years ago.

In March 2008, few days after my birthday and few days before Usha’s birthday, we bade farewell to Amit forever. The sadness of his funeral was as overwhelming as the joy I felt when I first held him. My knees were weak, I couldn’t catch my breath. He was gone and the vacuum in my heart may never again be filled with joy. Every day I pray that where he is now is a place of peace. What happened to Amit should never have happened; he was not killed in a tragic car accident, a freak act of nature, or a deadly virus. He was the picture of health. Amit was a victim of something seemingly harmless and yet so sinister that it defies imagination. In studying American history, we were amazed at how men would come to a town and scam innocent people with stories about their “magic” elixir. People would flock to these drifters and buy the stuff, hoping it would cure what ailed them.

By the time they realized they had been scammed, the snake oil salesman would have moved on to another town and other unsuspecting citizens. In those days, there was no email to alert potential victims and no Internet with exposés and photos of the fake faith healers. The way these products are marketed today is so much more sophisticated and, worse--it is legal. These products are now sold as nutritional supplements. Amit was persistent, brave and a self-starter.

Persistence is the single most important ingredient for success of life. It involves determination and the will to persevere, no matter what the obstacles. However, Amit proved to be stubborn also. Stubbornness leads to the dead end of unproductive behavior, while persistence moves you forward. Stubbornness disconnects you from reality and can result in paralyzing and harmful inaction. As I wrote this book, I strove to learn how Amit’s life led to the ending that came to pass. By sharing it with you, I hope that perhaps you will recognize something in your child’s life that I tragically missed, so you can have a different he Last Smile xx outcome.

I want you to see what I did not do. It is my challenge to you that we not let our youth accidentally end their lives, while believing they are becoming physically fit. Amit’s passing has been very hard to accept. I always envisioned a greater future for our family through Amit and now that is unrealizable. However, I cannot and will not let his death be for naught. I urge you to be involved parents by watching and giving guidance to your children. By reading this book, it is my hope that you are prepared to ensure that they do not choose the path that defeated Amit.

May you be blessed with many years of joy in watching your children grow bounteously and may you be blessed to have them by your side when you leave this world. I shall see Amit again.

Jeevan Zutshi Amit’s Dad